Now I understand

I've always kind of wondered what the fuss is about not being invited to a birthday party. You know, some in the class get invited and some dont. We like to invite all when the kids are younger, but we don't mind the house full. Our kids have learnt to understand that sometimes they get invites, sometimes they don't and they haven't been bothered about it. It's been even surprisingly easy when they've been invited but haven't been able to go due to other appointments.

But now I understand. It's not about the party. At least not with our kids. It's about feeling that you've been rejected. It is a strong emotion and hard to cope with, even for an adult who has been thorougly educated in the matter. It's about "I thought we were friends, perhaps even good ones, and now your actions tell me different". Feeling rejected one easily starts questioning - have I done something wrong? Am I a bad person? Doesn't anybody really like me - I though she did but looks like she doesn't, so what about all the others I thought like me?

Luckily in our case dear 6 year old only overheard a discussion about a party and who would be invited. She didn't hear all, and thinks there's hope she might be in the list. And she thinks the birthday is perhaps in the fall. So hopefully she wont remember it in the fall. Or hear that the party actully is now and invitations have been delivered. The prospect of it was already a cause of some confusion.

I am so glad I was able to dig it out of her and that she said how it made her feel better that she talked about it. Next time it might be a bit easier. Because next time will come, sooner or later.