Do not judge

but I cannot but feel so sad... I know it's not my job to judge anyone. But when you see people do things that just doens't feel good, it makes me so sad. Especially when it's to do with children.

Swimming halls are great place of observation. I felt so much like talking to that little boy, who always came near his mum, talking, trying to play with... No interaction what so ever. She was capable of speaking or at least looking at and smiling to her son, but no reaction. I felt so sad for the 3-4 year old.

Another mother I've seen there every week... never a nice word to her daughter. Always something to critisize about. Always that tone of voice. Can't you do it right? For the first some weeks she kept almost yelling at her, don't swim like that, or you'll never learn, can't you even try, don't you understand, you need to... Angry looks at her didn't work so finally I asked her to stop doing that because the girl was swimming the way the teacher's teach and she was trying make her do the way she swims - which is not the correct way.

Which made me think: how many times as parents we stress about the child learning something or doing something we think is the right way... causing harm to the child while "trying" to help... And perhaps the thing we stress about is just plain wrong and harmful to the kid...

Stress is hardly ever good. Never the kind imposed by someone else. Not for the adult and never ever for the child.

Miksi vain tytölle?

Ystävälleni omistettu, tänään havaittua:

Poika ja tyttö vaatekuvauksessa. Pojalle annetaan vaatteet. Tytöllle annetaan vaatteet ja kasvot meikataan. Samat kuvat, sama valaistus, yhtä valkoiset naamat. Miksi ero?

A robber in the house

For some reason once in a while the kids say things like: "I'm glad we live in Finland because we don't have robbers here" (to which I of course tell that we do). Or "I don't want to ever go to this or that country, because there are robbers". Or "mum, what if the robbers come to our house".

Well, on Friday we had a "robber" in our house. Only she and me and dad know about it in the family.

I went to the store with two of the kids. Older of those two, 4 yrs, at one point had a huge bulge on the cheek. Me asking "what's in your mouth" and ,alas, I find three candies there. She had taken those without me noticing and tried to hide them.

Well, the matter as such was dealed by the book, apoligized and paid for the cany with her own money etc and I know she learned the lesson.

But it was intriguing to watch her when she thought and "realized" that now in her mind she was a robber. How horrible. Since you know, robbers are something really really horrible and scary and something you never ever want to meet. :-)

I think it would be at times good for all of us to "find our inner robber". Not to purposely do wrong of course, but to realize that we all do wrong things and thus we all human beings are on the same line, not one better than the other.

Kilpailua - competition

Matka eskariin sujui myrtynein mielin. Pikkusisko oppi aamulla täräyttämään r:n ihan kunnolla. Ei vielä puheessa muista, mutta teknisesti se onnistuu ja sitä sitten hokikin koko matkan: deppu - rrrreppu.

Voi harmitus. Pienempi oppi ensin. Miksi vertailu usein johtaa kilpailuun? Miksi vertaillessa usein unohtaa ne missä on parempi ja näkee vain sen, missä on huonompi? Sillä ei ollut mitään merkitystä, että tyttö oppi lukemaan nuorempana kuin isoveli. Tai että piirtää paremmin kuin isoveli. Tai ui paremmin kuin pikkusisko. Tai ajaa ilman apupyöriä, kun pikkusisko ei. Vain sillä yhdellä asialla juuri sillä hetkellä on merkitystä. Se määrittelee koko ihmisen. Minä en osaa, tuo osaa. Minä olen huonompi, kokonaisuudessaan, ihmisenä. Miksi siinä ei puheet auta?

Keeping up with the neighbours. I always thought it was something so American. Something so ridicilous. Untill I realized they do it. And they. And even they. People I know. Perhaps they don't know they compete. Perhaps they just want what's best for themselves and family. But the truth is, it's hard to avoid competing. It may be the house. If not size, then the looks. It may be income. If not how much you earn, then with how little can you survive and get all these womderful things. It may be the looks. If not how good you look, then how much you've lost weight. It may be the kids. If not how intelligent, spiritual or talented they are, then how many of them you have.

I hope I can see it when I compete. And think about my choices. Do I do this because I think and feel it's right and good or because I compete with someone about something?

Problem solved

A few days ago I thoroughly enjoyed a discussion about how to solve many of the world's problems. I think many of the solutions would work if people just would get to the point where they would be willing to do so.

But unfortunately, in real life, it seems it can never happen. It would require everyone in a personal level and national level to be quite a bit less selfish. It would mean that for a while I or my country will have to give up something for the greater good of everyone. I would require everyone thinking every human being has the same value, same rights and same responsibilities. It would require co-operation, good will and radical changes. I doubt it will never happen by us people.

But we can make those small changes in our families, in our neighbourhoods, on our communities, everywhere where we have an input. That way we can at least make the world a little bit better place to live for someone for a little while. I think that's a good start.

Katastrofi

Kun seuraa tapahtumia maailmalla, tällä hetkellä Japanissa, en voi olla pohtimatta, kuinka itse toimisin, jos joutuisin katastrofin keskelle.

Menisinkö paniikkiin? Toimisinko ohjeiden mukaan? Tuntuisiko kaikki "maailmanlopulta" vai pystyisinkö etsimään hyviä asioita siitä, mitä on jäljellä? Keskittyisinkö täysin itseni ja perheeni pelastamiseen ja heistä huolehtimiseen vai voisinko auttaa myös muita?

Katastrofi on aina katastrofi. Tilanne ei ole koskaan helppo. Katastrofit, niin pienet kuin suuret, tulevat usein yllättäen. Mutta niihin voi valmistautua. Joihinkin tilanteisiin voi valmistautua fyysisesti. Ruokaa voi olla kotona enemmän kuin se viikon annos. Rahaa voi olla säästössä tilillä hätätapauksia varten. Lääkkeitä voi olla lääkekaapissa sen verran, ettei ihan heti ensimmäiseen kuumeeseen lopu. Auton takakontissa voi olla hiekkaa, lapio ja peittoja.

Mutta henkisesti voi myös valmistautua. Voi kehittää omaa stressinsietokykyään. Voi rakentaa ystävyyssuhteita, jotka hädän tullen saattavat olla se tarvittava pelastusrengas. Voi opetella keinoja pysyä rauhallisena ahdistavassa tilanteessa. Voi opetella loogista ajattelua ja etsiä tietoa kuinka toimia erilaisissa hätätilanteissa. Voi luoda sellaisen suhteen Jumalaan, että tietää ja tuntee, että Hän kuuntelee ja vastaa.

Vaikka ei koskaan joutuisi suurta katastrofia kohtaamaan, niitä pieniä on elämä täynnä. Suureen valmistautuminen auttaa niissä pienissäkin.

Where did the time go ja politiikkaa

Attended a wedding yesterday. Beautiful young bride and a young groom. Lots of other beautiful young married couples. And by young I mean younger than 25. It was wonderful.

But it was horrible. I remember how I felt when I was 18. I felt I was ready to get married had the right guy appeared. (Well, he did, but it took 6 years). I felt so grown up, so adult. I'm sure things would have worked out well had I married young. But looking at those young couples, they were just so young. It almost made me worry about them. How will they survive. Will their happiness last. Have they been mature enough to make the right choice.

I felt so old.

And then I did some counting. I was almost 25 when I married. Not that old really. And still surviving. Still happy. I wasn't worried any longer.

Ja sitten politiikkaan

Kohta saa taas äänestää. Vuosia on tullut valiteltua, että kun ne kaikki on sitä samaa massaa. Ja sinänsä loppujen lopuksi sillä ketä äänestää ei ole niin kovin suurta merkitystä kuitenkaan. Tai riippuu siitä, ketä äänestää.

No, nyt alkaa olla hiukan erilaisia mielipiteitä. Sitä ei ehkä pidäkään niin hyvänä asiana enää. Esille on tullut myös selkeämmin asioihin mielipiteitä , joista on ihan samaa mieltä. Mutta ei välttämättä pidä mielipiteen antajasta tai hänen muista mielipiteistään yhtään.

Ei muuten väliä, mutta kun ne ihmiset siellä sitten kuitenkin loppupelissä ovat muokkaamassa tätä yhteiskuntaa. Olisi kiva, että yhteiskunta olisi mahdollisimman hyvä siinä vaiheessa, kun joutuu jättämään omat lapsensa taivaltamaan yhteiskunnassa ihan omin voimin. Kyllä vaan sillä äänestämisellä kuitenkin on merkitystä. Jos ei muuta, niin tietää, että ainakin jollain tavalla on itse yrittänyt vaikuttaa.