It's the constant battle. I know how to raise kids - I'm professional, both by education and by 9 years experience. I know the things you absolutely should not do, never ever. I know the things that aren't good to do. I know the things you should do. And the things you could do if you would like to steer to this direction or that.
Still, I do the things I know I never should. And those that aren't good. And don't do those I should nor all I could.
Yesterday was one of those days I did something I felt so horrible about. To this one sweet little girl. Some might say it's normal. Or that it's not bad at all. Or least not as bad as I feel.
But I know better. Better than to do such a thing. Especially to this girl. And why did I do it - because I was just so plain annoyed by things she did.
I feel guilty. Some might say don't. But that's one thing I feel strongly about. When you do wrong, you need to feel guilty. Especially if it has anything to do with your children. If you don't, if it doesn't bother you at all, soon you'll notice your downhill and how fast you are sliding. I rather feel guilty about small things than big things.
Besides. I have no ambitions really, though there are many things I'd like to do. But I do know I want to be a better mother today than I was yesterday and even better tomorrow.
All the indicators for being better (or worse) is all in the daily interactions with each child.
Still, I do the things I know I never should. And those that aren't good. And don't do those I should nor all I could.
Yesterday was one of those days I did something I felt so horrible about. To this one sweet little girl. Some might say it's normal. Or that it's not bad at all. Or least not as bad as I feel.
But I know better. Better than to do such a thing. Especially to this girl. And why did I do it - because I was just so plain annoyed by things she did.
I feel guilty. Some might say don't. But that's one thing I feel strongly about. When you do wrong, you need to feel guilty. Especially if it has anything to do with your children. If you don't, if it doesn't bother you at all, soon you'll notice your downhill and how fast you are sliding. I rather feel guilty about small things than big things.
Besides. I have no ambitions really, though there are many things I'd like to do. But I do know I want to be a better mother today than I was yesterday and even better tomorrow.
All the indicators for being better (or worse) is all in the daily interactions with each child.
5 kommenttia:
I saw your link on Mormon Moms who Blog. I recently started blogging, but long story short, I was a Finnish missionary, so imagine my surprise when I saw Finnish on the list. I didn't see a contact email on your site, so I'm sorry to leave this in the comments section, but I do have an email link under the profile on my blog, http://cygnusopus.blogspot.com/. I was a missionary back in 92-93, so I'm not sure if we ever crossed paths.
Just samoja juttuja oon ajatellut itse viime aikoina. Tää oli niin virkistävää luettavaa yhteiskunnassa, jossa vallitsee sellanen äitien yleinen synninpäästö kaikista vääristä teoista. Mä en halua synninpäästöä, haluan pystyä tekemään parannuksen. Eikä se voi mitenkään onnistua jos en edes tunne syyllisyyttä...
Ihanaa Sara, meitä on muitakin :-). Itseasiassa varmaan paljonkin, toivottavasti ainakin.
Mirja (tää systeemi ei anna mun kommentoida itsenäni, kummallista)
Hei, rakastan blogiisi. Onko jotain voin saada päivitykset kuten liittymän tai jokin asia? Olen pahoillani En ole perehtynyt RSS?
Kiva kun pidät. En itsekään oikein tiedä kuinka saada päivitykset. Luulen, että jos klikkaat oikeasta laidasta Tilaa ja tekstit? Ehkä? Tai Follow by email, jos saat sähköpostit kännykkään? Pahoittelen, en oikein tiedä.
Mirja
Lähetä kommentti